Bouncing Forward, not Bouncing Back: Adapting with Resilience

“Do not judge me by my success, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.”

― Nelson Mandela

Resilience can often be misconstrued as strength or an ability to return to something rather than breakthrough to something new. In times of adversity, resilience is the ability to navigate breakdowns that are often out of your own control, be nimble, or admit failure (and embrace it). When something does take the breath out of you or knock you down, resilience is the ability to get back up, breathe, and make informed, positive decisions to reset your equilibrium. This holds true when we speak of personal resilience, cultural resilience, or also organizational resilience.

"We must do something, anything to throw off the burdens and restrictions that are limiting us... allow yourself to take the risk of shattering the old patterns and limitations that have kept your energy from flowing. To transform breakdowns into breakthroughs is the whole function of the master." 

- Osho

Resilience is the capacity to move through tumultuous times and setbacks and remain intact on a path to flourishing. Or, as I often tell clients, colleagues, and mentees, it’s about being able to “come back to center” whether we’re talking about an individual, team, project, community, or an organization. For some, resilience can be taught; for others, it is almost innate; for others it has been deliberately designed and practiced. For many cultural groups, resilience has never been an option either; it has been a survival skill. I personally resonate with the study and practice of this skill and larger body of work for all of these reasons. 

At one stage of my career about seven years ago, I had lived a life of enough adversity to know that I needed some help. I needed a “shift.” You might call this a “back to the basics” need for Resilience 101. So I signed up for a newsletter on resilience, which led me to a year-long study in the science of positive psychology with Dr. Maria Sirois and Dr. Tal Ben Shahar at Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health

In my studies, I learned the science behind resilience, which comes from global research over decades. So many lessons resonated with me. I recognized my challenges maintaining some objectivity, and I saw new pathways out. I loved understanding the science of how time and time again, over the centuries, and across the globe, individuals do find pathways out. For me, positive psychology reveals the science behind how gendered or racialized or minoritized groups have already been resilient. The very concept of resilience affirms the ancestral legacy and experience that codifies innate and learned social behaviors and their correlating emotions. This body of work affirmed that I had already been living in the realm of resilience. And, looking back over key moments and phases of my life, I saw how I actively pursued and found and created new pathways out. At Kripalu, I also learned how to teach these skills to others and better appreciate my own resilience skills as incredible leadership skills and sources of strength. 

Flash forward to the present moment. These days, I am usually teaching or coaching individuals, community leaders, and corporate teams on resilience using an appreciative inquiry framework. I often co-lead these conversations about resilience teaming up with Dr. Sirois. We introduce fast skills and growth mindset. Other times, I am simply showing that “straight A student” that a B is more than okay, or reminding the student who made it to school through several extremely difficult challenges that they are resilient. 

Again, resilience is about how well you navigate adversity.  We can find examples of resilience all around us in individuals, cultural groups, organizations, and in our environment. It is happening all of the time.

 “Like tiny seeds with potent power to push through tough ground and become mighty trees, we hold innate reserves of unimaginable strength. We are resilient.”

―Catherine DeVrye, The Gift of Nature

How do we apply resilience skills to our here and now within an equity and inclusion framework?

1. “I am” - Get in touch with yourself first. Explore your values, character, and areas of awareness. The Via Character Strengths Survey is a tool that explores the 24 character strengths that we all possess around the world. Developed through global research, stripping away structures that made groups culturally “less than,” these strengths line up differently  to create our individual character that supports us throughout our lives. (Our work now is to reflect, examine and disentangle dominant cultural norms that demean the value of individuals. We are all valuable...we all share the same strengths. Finding our own resilience requires taking an honest look at our strengths and using them to thrive and flourish (and yes, overcome, when we need to.) As many of you have heard me say, cultural humility is a practice one must engage in regularly in recognizing your strengths and resources and the impact it has on others!). 

2) “I have” - Notice what you do have. Write it down! We often focus on what is wrong or what we are lacking (or what is lacking around us). Look around for what you do have. For some, it is a strong family network. For others, it is a skill set, hobby, or any host of resources/privileges. How can you make these things support you now that you are faced with a challenge? For particular communities, it is the “asset” of human relationships that is the best resource or simply the strength and wisdom of life experience. Often dubbed as “common sense” or the result of those who are “street smart,” this wisdom based on lived experience is an incredible resource as well. Wisdom comes in many forms. For organizations, this kind of knowledge lives in the organization's mission, history, track record, and relationships with strategic and trusted partners.

3) “I can” - What are your skills? When times are hard, I often ask myself, “Ok, the last time I felt like this (or was challenged on this level), what did I do exactly? How did I succeed? Even if I failed, what did I learn? Resilience is not about avoiding the fall; it is how you get back up. What are your choices? For some of us, we have been doing this work our whole lives, so I know that we not only can we make it through, we can change the course and playbook entirely.

Right now with COVID-19, we all find ourselves moving through adversity, dealing with many unknowns, with some communities being more severely impacted by others. In our organizations, everything can be categorized as  “VUCA”: volatile, uncertain, challenging/complex, and ambiguous. We don't have a roadmap, and the policies and resources are mostly unclear. Things are changing, and we don't know what the future holds. What do we do with this new reality? We develop an understanding that this is not only a crisis. And since all crises end, this is an opportunity to change and yes, shift. Pre-COVID I had been training with Bill George’s VUCA 2.0 model and was happy to see others resonate with this leadership framework in the context of adversity and change, especially in this time of COVID-19 and what we can co-create for our future. 

Right now, envision the world you would design... 

  • What would it be like after COVID-19? 

  • How can you contribute to that vision within your family, your team, and in yourself? 

  • How can you be patient with yourself and others? 

Make that your action plan.

We are most definitely experiencing trauma due to the effects of this public health crisis, and I have to tell you, the single best thing you can do during trauma is breathe. The breath is so important. Three deep breaths will shift your anxiety. Be brave (audacious) as bravery takes on all things. Not just the crazy stunt or speaking up to that constant nagging voice (although those things are important!), but also just being clear in your requests, setting limitations for yourself, identifying and sticking to your boundaries with others, meeting your needs, and offering a helping hand to others. 

And finally, we do have to “adapt.” As Cyndi Suarez alludes to in her insightful piece, “The Problem with Resilience,” for The Nonprofit Quarterly, we don't adapt to get back to what was; this is a “reset” to help us adapt for a new future... one that is better, more inclusive, and more equitable. And we do have to be careful because as I wrote in my recent newsletter, in times of trauma, our brain wants to choose the familiar even if it wasn't the best for us. Now is the time to consciously construct a new way forward. 

Indeed, this is where the word and idea of resilience gets complicated. I often hear the word resilience used to talk about women and marginalized communities and smaller businesses in how they “need to be resilient.” Suarez is reminding us to keep the concept of resilience broad enough to hold bigger equity questions. Resilience is absolutely a valuable skill set, and a repeated demonstration of this quality should not be the requisite to thriving and flourishing for any gendered, racialized, or minoritized individual or group. We should all have access to the resources we need and, consequently, structural barriers must be actively dismantled. As Suarez writes, we must not let our resilience efforts “sidestep the core question we should be asking, especially now: Who gets to decide what is normative?” These are important questions to ask as I have led this type of cultural inquiry and witnessed the impact for institutions and leaders who broaden their awareness in general. Repeatedly probing for insight, helps us be culturally reflexive, not just competent leaders.

So in closing, here are some tips/reminders on personal resilience:

  1. Work from your strengths. Take the Character Strengths Survey and reflect on a time you were your best self and a time when you experienced a loss or challenge or you failed. Focus on what got you through and apply that to this moment. Read “Phenomenal Woman” (no matter your gender, you cannot escape the power of tapping into you with this poem!)

  2. Pause. When you feel tension, take three deep breaths. Just a one-minute meditation helps. Find a quote, repeat a mantra, just close your eyes. When you have the space and time, meditate, read a poem, go for a walk, and take a break so you can nourish your soul. Appreciate beauty and savor moments of calm connection.

  3. “Lean in.” Lean in to the challenge. Don't be afraid to fail. Be brave, be transparent, lean on your network. Anticipate failures. This is not about “bouncing back”; this is about getting back up.

  4. Most importantly, be kind and gentle with yourself and those around you. Compassion and empathy are so key right now. Be mindful in your interactions. As Sharon Salzberg writes, “Resilience is based on compassion for ourselves as well as compassion for others.”

  5. Stay informed, and do what you can do. Stay engaged and present as much as you can. And please, do not lose sight of beauty and love in the world. Think about how you can add to it every day.

Resilience is practice, a skill set, a character strength, a natural attribute of our Earth, and, if there is one thing I want to leave you with, it is teachable

In preparation of her upcoming New Pathways Talk, my colleague Tracy Gray, founder of we are enough, recently asked me, “When do we ever talk about White men “needing to be resilient?” Maya Angelou spoke to this idea of resilience so beautifully in “Still I Rise” (which has been my fight song many a time)... And yes, why is it that women and women of color always have to “rise above?” How are we going to chart that new pathway? I look forward to exploring all of these questions with you in the coming weeks. Join me for our New Pathways series launching this coming week!

© 2020 Gwendolyn VanSant