Sunday evening, October 18th, as I was getting ready to virtually celebrate W. E. B. Du Bois with other community members for the 51st anniversary of the dedication of his homesite, our meeting was Zoombombed by white supremacists and I experienced a racist hate speech assault. This was just as the event was about to start. I was the facilitator that evening.
I curated this virtual gathering while centering Black voices in the process of honoring Du Bois and celebrating the Black history of our town. Other attendees were already in the meeting and heard the incident. Many including the new Du Bois middle school student representatives and their school administrators saw it. When it happened, I went into overdrive, trying to fix my technology that was somehow compromised alongside the bombing as well.
Another colleague of color says what I exhibited was "grace under pressure" that encouraged her to carry on. Thankfully, we were able to hold it together in Du Bois' honor. Our commitment has been to “invite in” folks who don't agree and to engage in civil dialogue. This event deserved to not be derailed by anonymous cowards. These intruders did not belong for that very reason and were removed instantly. Then I began my opening remarks, which in retrospect, I see were even more on point now. Even though Sunday evening was meant to be a celebration of Du Bois, I had chosen to reflect on the work that was still left to be done and the legacy of “othering” across the color line.
In the end, folks found the conversation powerful and all it was designed to be. Still, I wish the students who attended had witnessed something better from all of us. With the exception of one person making a comment that Zoom bombs are becoming commonplace—rather than acknowledging them for what they are, a federal crime and an assault—nobody said a word in the meeting about the hate incident. It was simply not addressed except as a fait accompli.
About the hate speech, it leaves me to wonder who/what is targeting and who/what is being targeted? What is random and what is happening way closer to home than we want to admit? Why, each time there is an attempt to move ahead with honoring Du Bois, does there appear to be an orchestrated last minute "attack" on the effort? As for the inaction and silence my colleagues and I witnessed after the racist incident, this is white supremacy at work as well. In many conversations, I have asked, why the silence in the face of an assault? Why do people White people freeze in these moments? Asking these questions is my "calling in" for White folks who continually seek to call themselves allies. There is so much to unlearn, including the silence.
After these things happen, people often want to call the media, too. I remind people that press is not always the solution when it comes to building empathy, healing, and repair. It may actually cause more harm by retraumatizing people or put people in more danger unintentionally. Press can, on the other hand, also let folks know that they are not alone, but it takes care, competence, reliability, and sincerity given that trust is at the foundation of all relationships. Trust is critical for media or law enforcement to respond with competence and create any type of effective partnership.
As individuals, we know how to respond to these racist incidents intellectually. We read about them, talk about strategies, study them, are often appalled, or assume a posture of incredulousness. But, even then, the disappointment of isolation and uncertainty often awaits. I just don't know where the application of these ideas, values, and skills is getting missed... I keep returning to this idea of seeing folks in their full humanity. This would make all of this so much easier and more natural. But seeing people as human beings unfortunately has to be taught. Can it be? I am realizing that it cannot be taught, not by itself anyway. People need to find their center and know how to show up as human beings in their own bodies and release this need to “other” someone else and their experience. There has to be a real will to not “other” and honestly, sometimes I am just too tired to teach and guide folks in this work.
The truth is, to my White colleagues, for you, your parents, your children… you are afforded humanity already, so what is actually so hard about this? You live it in a way many of us don't have the privilege to live it. That, to me, is your accountability conversation to have. Fundamentally, all of this freezing in the moment lacks a basic ability to move in mutual humanity, to show up in mutual relationships.
Protection, safety, privacy—all of these things are privileges not afforded to human beings who happen to be born in Black bodies. White supremacy offers this pattern and posture that it is incomprehensible to accommodate people of color requesting and deserving these same white entitlements. Just being able to see the humanity of another person or understand their need for dignity—I find the fact that my white counterparts feel they need to “work on” this to be so taxing and painful. And I hear this all of the time as if it’s something I must accept. To quote a woman of color in a recent training that I led, if I persist in accepting these white supremacy patterns, this would resign me to “death by a thousand cuts."
How have I been healing?
Fortunately, all of my positive psychology work of living in the “AND” is what allows me to see my White colleagues in their humanity, despite white supremacist culture and its patterns and legacies in our relationships. I have been meditating, caucusing, doing reevaluation sessions, and seeing my wellness coach for my own self-care in light of the harm. And even still, almost a week later, I return to the same ideas.
Here’s my request to White folks who are reading this and want to be actively anti-racist. Out with white shame, paralysis, and/or guilt when these things happen! Just find your center and be a human being to your fellow human beings (AND to yourself!) Ask yourselves and your loved ones, what stops you from stepping in? If and when you freeze, notice it and start to build a new pattern. Be courageous and vulnerable. Ask what is stopping you.
Vulnerable: 1 : capable of being physically or emotionally wounded. 2 : open to attack or damage : assailable vulnerable to criticism. (Merriam-Webster)
White Supremacy: This term is used in many ways, but white supremacy is another way to say white superiority which is a symptom of the institution of race that can be held by people of diverse backgrounds.
© 2020 Gwendolyn VanSant